remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
