it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
