last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
