Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We just shotgunned beers for America
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
