I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
