She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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