I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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