my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
