Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My feet surprised me
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
