why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
