the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
