Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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