Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
