I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I skipped work to stalk him.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
