He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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