Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
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