separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
