you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
