You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
