Girls should come with a carfax report
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
