You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
