she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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