dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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