JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
