; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
