You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
