The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
