What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I faked an abortion last night.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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