so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
