What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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