Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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