Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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