He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am spending my child support on dildos
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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