Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
