I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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