I wish I could punch you in the face.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
