No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
