At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
