Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
