Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
