Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
