Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
