You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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