Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
