yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
