my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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