If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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