Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
