I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
