This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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