I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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