Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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