Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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