Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
