dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
